What Kind?

What kind of cake would you be?

---

Kimber - lush, tart,  gracious

Double Chocolate Layer Cake with Spicy Chocolate Ganache, Spiked Whipped Cream and Liqueur Soaked Cherries 

(source)

Charity - bright, cheery, fabulous 

Layered Pavlova Filled with French Vanilla Butter Cream and Passion Fruit Puree

(source)

Liberty - complex, spicy, golden

Browned Butter Ginger Cake with Mango Curd, Chai Frosting and Cayenne Chocolate Drizzle    

(source)

Mercina- elegant, understated, enchanting  

Amaretto Cake with Pear Preserves and Champagne Buttercream

(source)

Glorianna - colorful, unconventional, witty 

Tiered Funfetti Cookie Dough Ice Cream Cake with Pop Rocks

(source)

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

---

Lost Verses from the Gospel of Mark

{*or* The One Where Glorianna Plays the '3am Guilt Pangs after Not Posting for Two Months: Slap Up a Rejected Submission to McSweeney's and Call It Even' Game} 

8 And some days thence He entered into Capernaum, and such a number gathered together upon the noising of Christ’s presence that there was not one among them in that place not greatly pressed.

9 And Jesus did speak unto the multitude, saying, Have ye any sick amongst you? Any deaf or blind or lame? And they did answer him, Yea Master, Huzubib. Huzubib is super lame.

10 And said He unto them, Bring him ye unto me.

11 And they brought him forth. And Christ saw that in his heart Hizubib was a real boner. And He laid His hands upon the man’s head, and gave He a blessing unto him, saying:

12 Son, thou hast seven and thirty years. Go forth, and get thee a life.

13 And Hizubib arose, miraculously arrayed in fine raiment of black cowhide and acid-wash denim. And, taking up with him the futon from his mother's basement, Hizubib did go forth and meet himself a fiiiiiiine Hittite dancer called Gwen.

14 And the multitude marveled at the power of the Lord their God, and they did glorify Him.

15 And after this miracle had come to pass, the crowd did depart. And Jesus turned and said unto Peter, What type of mother doth name her kid Hizubib anyway? And Peter answered Him, saying, F*cking Hittites, oh Lord. F*cking Hittites.

Next up: Lost Verses from the Book of Jonah in which Jonah prophesies the dangers of undocumented Ninevehn immigration.

Perverbs

Some would call Harry Matthews a writer. I prefer to think of him as a lyrical Dr. Frankenstein -- except instead of sewing together old body parts, he sews together old truisms. Yes, Mr. Matthews has pioneered a new and exciting form of prose: The Perverb. No, a perverb is not a pervy proverb (i.e. lace curtains never stopped any Peeping Tom with character). Rather, it's the creative combination of two or so tired old phrases into one exciting new phrase (i.e. stop and smell the death and taxes). It's a lovely way to forge new bits of wisdom out of old ones which have lost their oomph to overuse.

I had to write a list of 15 these for a class, but I get the feeling I missed a bunch of really good ones. So I'm crowdsourcing to all y'all clever people to find the best perverbs capable of existence (for entertainment value only -- I already turned in the assignment). I'M DOING THIS BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN YOOOOOOOU!

Below, I've included a few more of my perverbs, accompanied by pictures of weirdly beautiful hybrid taxidermy jobs by the artist Enrique Gomez de Molina (because this is likely the only blogpost I'll ever write where those will be even tangentially relevant).

Honesty hurts

The Devil is in an apple a day.

Big brother has more fun

A little knowledge makes Jack a dull boy

A rolling stone turneth away anger

The road to hell is paved with pennies saved

Business by any other name wouldn’t smell as sweet

Diamonds are next to Godliness

Dead horses tell no tales

Damn! The torpedoes killed the cat!

So what's your best perverb? Share a couple in the comments so we can all chortle at them together alone at our personal computers!

Bronco Bites

Color Me Orange (gnocchi) and Blue (cheese crumble) Gnocchi

1 large yam

1 cup cream cheese or ricotta

2 eggs

4 cups flour

2 tbsp salt

A pinch of nutmeg

Cream wet ingredients together, then knead in dry ingredients. Add floured until dough no longer feels wet to the touch. Separate into four balls and wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate til ready to use. Roll dough into long pieces and cut or twist apart at 1 inch intervals for "footballs". Pan-fry with paprika or boil til pasta float to the top, reserving 1/4 cup water.

Crumble

1/4 cup shelled pumpkin seeds

1/2 cup blue cheese

2 large pieces stale bread

Combine in food processor or blender. Plus til fine powder develops. Toss with pasta and pasta water or sprinkle on top of pan fried gnocchi before serving.

The reports are true...

I'm a tree hugger.

Also... as leaves fall from the trees and as Thanksgiving final decisions are being made, eat this.

The best Apple Pancake maybe ever.

This superfood salad and this superfood sweet

Pumpkin chip cookies

Maybe my favorite thing on this list, Pumpkin Fondue

Recipes for left over pumpkin fondue (they're almost as good)

Farm Vegetable Tian

Hungarian sweets

And last but CERTAINLY not least, dinner in a pumpkin.

An Exciting Announcement...

Yoni and I at Heartland Farm in Markham, VA. More pictures from that in my next post.

We're Having Pumpkins

for dinner!

We 're expecting* they'll be delicious.

Pumpkin stuffed with Roasted Pecans, Pinto Beans & Green Chili 

For all of the other people hoping for pumpkins this year, a perfect recipe. Yoni and I love this when we get back into town because the components either freeze or keep really well.

For tis recipe, you can use any kind of hollow, yellow/orange fleshed squash. I like Japanese Pumpkins for their sweetness or Delicata, because they're perfect for two servings and you can eat the skin.  It is inspired by a similar dish from Julia Blackbird where I always eat their similar dish or their chili rellenos.

A hollow squash

Pecans

Beans

Green Chili

Feta Cheese or Queso Fresco

Fresh Corn

maple syrup, brown sugar or honey

Water

1. Split squash in half, placing about 1 tsp of maple syrup in with a tablespoon water. Bake with til tender. 2. Meanwhile, warm beans and chili.  3. Crush about half a cup of roasted pecans and 4. press into the flesh  inside the cavity of the squash.  5. Fill with warmed beans -- be generous with beans. 6. Smother with green chili. 4. Top with fresh corn kernels and crumbled cheese.

for the best beans, follow the jump ...

In case you want to make your own ....

Refried Beans

Pinto Beans

Water

Spices

(If you don't have time to make dry beans, you can use canned beans and start directions at number 5)

Refried beans are just about 10 times better when you make them yourself. 1. One day when you remember and have time, get out the biggest bowl you own, fill it 1/3 of the way with a large bag of pinto beans. 2. Cover with twice as much water and soak them while you run your errands. When you get back, 3. drain, rinse, place in a pot and cover beans with water again. 4. Place on stove and let simmer until beans are tender. 5. Once tender, leave some of the water. Meanwhile, 6. heat oil in a pan you can pour from, adding salt, cumin, cinnamon, smoked paprika and whatever else you want in your beans. 7. Wait til the oil is almost smoking and then pour on top of the beans. This is dangerous, so be careful, please. 8. Mash beans and if needed, repeat oil thing til they taste like you want them to. Store by the pint in ziplock freezer bags or tupperwear.

*This is NOT an announcement of pregnancy. (I'm counting on Liberty, Premal, Corban and Narae for that one. I promise to cook for you frequently when the time comes)  Just a very expectant cook looking forward to a delicious meal.

Three little reasons why I love being a Mom.

You guys, this seriously just happened.

We had some little friends over today, including a darling 2-year-old named Carrie. As I was helping Carrie slip into her sparkly white sandals, Willa looked at me and said, "Mom, I want shoes." Now, Willa is nearly 17-months-old, and she is a Tillemann-Dick, so I was impressed but not flabbergasted with her short but grammatically correct utterance. And, since Willa has NEVER shown the SLIGHTEST interest in bipedal mobility (which, at nearly 17-months, is a bit crazy -- even for a Tillemann-Dick), it's true that I seldom put her in shoes of any sort. So, I told her as much. "Willa," I said, "when you start walking, I'll get you shoes." She looked at me with resignation, and replied with her standard, unenthusiastic "okaaaaaay."

Then, she stood up and took three, very deliberate, steps. Then she did it again.

So I ordered her some shoes.

****

In the car this afternoon, Hettie and I had the following conversation:

H: Mom, is Tom my uncle?
K: Nope. He's Mercina's boyfriend. Maybe they'll get married, and then he'd be your uncle.
H: So, you can just marry who you want to, as long as he's not your uncle or brother or cousin?
K: Well, it's a very important decision, so you have to think about it very carefully. But yes, you get to choose who you marry.
H: So, when I grow up and I'm an astronaut, I can marry Tom? If Mercina doesn't marry him first?
K: Ummmmm...
H: How long is Mercina going to be in Canada?

****

Also, I know it's not really responsible, but I kind of hope Phineas becomes a dancer.

The end.